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Rejecting The Binary With Gender Affirming Sex Toys & Tips On Supporting A Trans Partner

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Sex toy design varies widely, especially now that they can be bought and shipped from nearly anywhere. However, in general, sex toys tend to mimic genitalia in some way. Most are familiar with the veiny dildos meant to look as realistic as possible, or the realistic looking fleshlights. These certainly are great for some and serve their purpose.

Something that the design of these sex toys does not take into consideration is people who do not match the gender binary. While some transgender and gender non-conforming people may have no issues using these sorts of toys, others can find the experience extremely dysphoric, especially when used with a partner.

Additionally, for people who have undergone bottom surgery, traditional sex toys may not work for them due to increased (or decreased) sensitivity or other factors related to surgery. Yet, people in all stages of transition deserve to feel and find pleasure with toys they enjoy and which do not cause dysphoria.


Gender Affirming Sex Toys Pre vs. Post Transition

First, preferred sex toys can change before and after a physical transition that includes bottom surgery. This is due to anatomical factors as well as reduced gender dysphoria. Of course, these are not hard rules, some people may find that they enjoy the same sex toys before and after transition, while others may finally find pleasure in new sex toys. The table below details some of the differences in gender affirming sex toys pre vs. post transition.

As an example of a sex toy that can fulfill the needs of both a pre and post transition person is all of the offerings from Erosscia. Designed to be used anywhere on the body and easily attached to your electric toothbrush, Erosscia’s products do not have an obvious anatomical look, are not too wide, and can even be used as a massager anywhere on the body.

For trans, non-binary, and gender non-conforming folks, this allows freedom to use their discreet vibrator in several ways that bring both them and their partner pleasure.


How Sex Toys Can Help During Physical Transition


Undergoing a physical transition–if desired–can take years and thousands of dollars. Therefore, folks are often obligated to live for years with gender dysphoria before undergoing surgery to alleviate it. Luckily, there are small ways to reduce gender dysphoria, especially during masturbation and sex.

Some sex toys are designed to pleasure while looking like the person’s desired genitalia. For FTM people, these are often clitoral stimulators or vibrators that look like penises when looking down at them. For MTF people, there are types of underwear that can help make tucking easier as well as allow themself or their partner to pleasure them without having to see their penis.

Additionally, one cool fact about the Erosscia vibrator is that it can actually help trans women gain sensation in their vagina after surgery. It is normal to have numbness in surgical areas, but sometimes post bottom surgery, people need some added stimulation to kickstart the nerves in the area. Erosscia is the perfect option since it is small, discreet, and body safe.


Tips For Supporting A Trans Partner During Sex


Sex toys are not just a solo activity, but one that often includes a partner. The partners of trans, non-binary, and gender non-conforming people can help alleviate gender dysphoria during sex. While these tips will not apply to every person, having an open conversation with your partners to find what helps them most is the best way to help a partner overcome gender dysphoria via sex.

First, using distraction while providing stimulation is one of the most common ways for people experiencing gender dysphoria to have pleasurable sex. For someone who is FTM, making the visual focus on a dildo while providing stimulation is a great way to trick the mind into enjoying sex without dysphoria. Some people may simply like to see the dildo placed near their genitals, while others may want to see their partner interact with the dildo during sex. Anatomically designed dildos also work well in this situation.

Disguising a penis for an MTF person during sex can be more difficult. Using female-related language during sex and exploring all the various areas you can use sex toys can help keep the focus away from the genitals. Additionally, anyone can enjoy anal, and so, anal toys can also provide pleasure while not causing dysphoria for some people.

Erosscia’s vibrators–particularly Allore–can be used anywhere in or on the body. This makes it versatile for gender non-conforming users and their partners. They also have ones specifically for clitoral stimulation (Ceola) and one that provides both internal and external stimulation at the same time (Okamei).


Frequently Asked Questions


Is There Variety?

In general, there is less variety in gender affirming sex toys than in traditional sex toys. Many gender affirming sex toys are not necessarily marketed that way, though. Still, the variety is growing more as awareness of different needs and bodies continues to grow. Everyone deserves to have a sex toy they love and have the ability to find fun and pleasure whenever they like.

Erosscia is the only vibrator that is so discreet that it can be placed in a handbag or suitcase without arousing too much suspicion. It is easy to take on the go which makes it more versatile than other toys.

Are Sex Toys Gender Affirming For All Gender Non-Conforming People?

No, not all sex toys, even specifically branded gender affirming sex toys, are affirming for every person. Someone may simply have a preference where they do not want to use sex toys. Others may not feel dysphoria surrounding their genitals. Furthermore, not all sex toys are going to work for everyone. While many new toys continue to hit the market, it is important to experiment and find the ones that works for you and your body.

Why Are “Normal” Sex Toys Not Gender Affirming?

Traditional sex toys were designed to align with the gender binary. As this concept weakens in society, sex toys are not becoming more affirming, or do not focus specifically on gender. Erosscia’s toys can be used on bodies with a penis or vagina as well as inserted into any body orifice safely. More toys are being designed like this and are usable regardless of sex assigned at birth or gender identity.

Are They More Expensive?

Generally, gender affirming sex toys are not more expensive than regular sex toys. However, in some cases, when a toy is specifically marketed as gender affirming, this can increase the retail price. Thankfully, most people can expect to pay about the same for a gender affirming sex toy as they would for a traditional one.

What Should I Look For In A Gender Affirming Sex Toy?

There is no one right answer to this question. Truthfully, look for what you want specifically in a sex toy. While there are some factors to consider, ultimately finding your best pleasure is the most important part. Here are some tips for finding the best gender affirming sex toys:

  • Post bottom surgery trans women often experience a dryer vagina, so sex toys that include, need, or shoot lube are a great option for keeping things nice and wet during sex or masturbation
  • Penis focused toys should be adjustable since the size of a trans man’s penis can vary based on their surgery and how their body responds to hormones
  • Toys should have gendered and non-gendered options since some people want to embrace their gender identity through more traditional concepts while others prefer to reject it fully
  • All of the toys are made from body-safe material, especially if used in an area that previously underwent surgery

Take Pride In Your (Or Your Partner’s) Pleasure With Gender Affirming Sex Toys


Sex and masturbation should not have to be avoided or come with a barrage of negative feelings. Everyone deserves to orgasm and enjoy themselves without stress or worry. Gender affirming vibrators, dildos, and more all can help reduce gender dysphoria during sex and help trans, non-binary, and gender non-conforming people take pride in their own pleasure.

Erosscia is dedicated to helping all people find their ultimate high with their line of discreet and unique sex toys and vibrators. All are made from body-safe material and are made for use around the entire body. None feature an exaggerated or overly anatomical design and work with a partner too.

Visit our website and online store for more information on Erosscia products. You can also buy directly online from our website.