10 Reasons To Turn To Romance Novels To Find Out What Your Partner Really Wants This Valentine’s Day

For centuries, literature was dominated by white men—and it still largely is—with one exception. The romance genre brings in over one billion dollars per year which makes it the highest-earning fiction genre. It is nearly impossible to escape romance novels: they are in grocery store aisles, college dorm rooms, between the seats of a middle-aged mom’s car, and even on the bookshelf of the sweet old lady who works at the thrift store.

So, what is it about these novels that specifically sends women wild as if in a Bacchian frenzy? The answer is likely that women write them. No one better understands what a woman wants better than another woman.

It is important to note that most romance novels cater to the life of a straight, cisgender white woman. However, romance novels have become much more diverse and inclusive in the past decade. With that said, there is still progress that needs to be made. This article will likely also end up centering this demographic unintentionally, but for those with partners who do not have a partner that falls into this limited demographic, there is still something to learn from how romance and sex are portrayed in popular fiction.

#1: Foreplay, Foreplay, Foreplay

Romance novels that include smutty scenes almost always include foreplay before the traditional genitals-to-genitals sex takes place. Often, this involves cunnilingus, fingering, vibrators, and a menagerie of other sexy lead-ups to sex. When having sex with a woman, they usually need more foreplay because it takes longer for them to build up to an orgasm.

So, it’s not just because it’s hot, but women actually require foreplay in most cases, and often sexual encounters do not include enough of it. This Valentine’s Day take the time to build up your partner’s arousal. Maybe rub an Erosscia vibrator over their erogenous zones? Use your fingers or your mouth because heading to the big event? Better yet, ask your partner what they like during foreplay. There is nothing sexier than open communication!

#2: Her Pleasure Comes First

Romance heroines always come first. Regardless of their partner’s gender, the character the story revolves around will get to reach orgasm first. Sometimes, even during foreplay. Women who have sex with men only come 65% of the time versus men who come 95% of the time. The “orgasm gap” is so stark and noticeable that getting to come first (or at all) is a fantasy or luxury included in escapist romance literature.

This Valentine’s Day put your partner’s pleasure before your own.

#3: Try It Somewhere New

Sex is great, but it might be even better if you venture out of the bedroom. In romance books, this can sometimes become a bit unrealistic (or downright illegal), but it is still possible to have sex that feels new and foreign in your own home. It could be as simple as having sex against the bedroom wall or on the floor. Perhaps you do it in the shower or on the couch. Do not be afraid of some lesser utilized areas like the office or kitchen.

If you and your partner are more adventurous, you could drive out to a private area for some steamy car sex. Having sex outside can also be thrilling. Plan something new and exciting for your partner.

#4: Go Back To The Basics Of Romance

Before most romance books get to sex, there is the wooing process and the will-they-won’t they dynamic. Now, obviously, you and your partner are likely already romantically linked—or at the very least—sleeping together. Therefore, going back to the simpler gestures of affection can be refreshing and much appreciated by your partner.

Grab their hand, buy them flowers, write them a note and leave it somewhere you know they will find it, or simply remind them how you truly feel about them. Romantic, passionate sex is a must for Valentine’s Day, and classic romantic gestures never go out of style.

#5: Confidence Is Sexy

Now, this is not to say that all romance heroes are perfectly confident (looking at you, Mr. Darcy), but they all have facets of their lives where they exude confidence. Effortless, natural confidence can come from your career, a hobby, your personality, or sociability. However, confidence also includes knowing and understanding your partner intimately. What stresses them out? What turns them on? Can you do something to make their day better?

Know when your partner is feeling uncomfortable and step in. Confidence does not have to be cockiness or showy, but rather, a noticeable strength and care toward your partner and their needs.

#6: Embrace The Taboo

A couple of the tips above have hinted at this but feel free to embrace the taboo. Everyone likes to feel naughty occasionally and bringing in the right amount of taboo sex can make it more exciting, fun, and arousing. You do not have to get too freaky though, a roleplay with a taboo concept or even just a pair of handcuffs can make sex feel taboo. However, if you and your partner enjoy kinkier sex, you may explore some more extreme ways to get it on.

If your partner is a woman, they a more likely to have fantasies in line with taboo subjects such as BDSM, group sex, and bondage. Men’s sexual fantasies tend to have more of an emotional component. While everyone is different, of course, consider what you know your partner likes and ask them about their deepest sexual fantasies.

#7: Honesty Is The Best Policy

When you discuss sexual fantasies or anything related, be honest. You never know what your partner will be up for, and it could make sex more fulfilling for both of you. Create an environment where your partner feels comfortable sharing their desires and body. In preparation for Valentine’s Day, make lists of what you want from the day, and what you don’t want. Exchange them and let the magic happen.

In romance novels, there is almost always a secret or insecurity the heroine has. Maybe they are overweight or they’ve been shamed for their fantasies by past partners. The heroes always help them overcome this and vice versa.

#8: Listen & Observe As Much As They Do

Listening and silently taking note of your partner’s preferences, needs, stressors, and other aspects of who they are is simply good advice for every relationship. Psychologically, men are known to talk more than women. In fact, 34 studies conducted by linguists and social psychologists support this. Thus, in heterosexual relationships, women can sometimes feel talked over and unheard. Often this is unintentional on the part of their male partners, but it is important to slow down and listen.

Any relationship—regardless of the gender of the partners—can have this problem. Learn to communicate effectively and ensure your partner feels like they have been heard and understood.

#9: Multiple Orgasms Are The Ultimate Fantasy

Romance heroes let the heroine orgasm first, but they also tend to provide multiple orgasms. The cool-down time between orgasm and being able to orgasm again is much smaller for women. With enough foreplay and continued arousal, it is not unfeasible for a woman to have two or more orgasms during one round of sex.

Not everyone is capable of this, but people with vaginas and vulvas are more likely to experience multiple orgasms. However, people with penises can have multiple orgasms, but it is rare. Even if your partner has never had more than one orgasm during a sexual encounter, it’s worth trying, right?

#10: Every Relationship Is Different

While romance novels follow archetypes and formulas, real life does not. Every relationship will look different. Maybe there are more than two people, or maybe sex is not something you or your partner are interested in. Yet, everyone can learn from the fantasies presented in romance books on how to romance someone and fuck them well too.

Get Ready For V-Day with Erosscia

Erosscia’s toothbrush vibrator attachments can make any Valentine’s Day memorable. The vibrator is versatile, discreet, and body-safe. You can use it outside and inside the body. The gentle vibrations provided by the toothbrush are perfectly calibrated to feel pleasurable to the body. Therefore, our vibrators pack an unexpected punch that leads to mind-blowing orgasms.

The vibrator attachments were specifically designed to look non-phallic and can be used on your own or with a partner. People with penises and vaginas enjoy Erosscia and the toy can be inserted into the vagina, anus, or mouth. It can also function as a massager for yourself or a partner. We especially recommend running it over the erogenous zones like the nipples and neck which can be great foreplay and help promote multiple orgasms for some.

To purchase an Erosscia toothbrush vibrator attachment, visit our online store.