Sex toys are for everyone! While the world of sex toys is often portrayed within heterosexual relationships or in the context of cisgender men and women, people of all identities enjoy the unbridled pleasure that sex toys can bring. At Erosscia we recognize that it is not just women buying, using, and enjoying our products.
With Pride Month in full swing, we are committed to recognizing the many communities under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. One community that often gets ignored in the sex toy community and discussion is the asexual, or ace, community.
Wait, Doesn’t Asexual Mean “Without Sex”?
Technically, yes. The term was coined by famed sexologist, Magnus Hirschfeld who called people without sexual attraction “anesthesia sexual” in the 1890s. Eventually, this term was shortened to “asexual” and many asexual people today refer to themselves as ace.
The term may seem straightforward, but asexual does not mean that a person simply doesn’t have sex, doesn’t like sex, or cannot feel any sexual pleasure or attraction. In general, characteristics of the asexual identity may include a person who:
- Does not prioritize sex
- Do not see sex as necessary within their relationships
- Likely do not seek out casual sex, or any sexual identity with a partner
- Do not easily experience sexual attraction, or do not experience it at all
The most important part of the asexual identity is that it is not synonymous with celibacy. Asexuality is not a choice. While being ace does sometimes come with the choice of celibacy, many asexual people do choose to have sex, or are more choosy with their partners or specific activities.
That said, many ace people masturbate, orgasm, and experience the several other benefits of sex like a rush of endorphins, stress relief, and better overall health. The degree to which an ace person partakes is categorized based on the asexual spectrum, similar to the main sexuality spectrum.
Some asexual people are comfortable masturbating or having sex while others are completely sex-repulsed
The Ace Spectrum
Like with any other sexual identity, not all ace people are the same. Some may not even realize they are asexual due to their frequent and fulfilling sex life. However, others are unfairly judged for their complete rejection of sex and erotic topics. All of these attitudes and identities fall under asexuality.
On the far end of the asexual spectrum are the sex repulsed ace people. A sex repulsed person is unlikely to partake in any sexual activity, experience any sexual attraction, and may even strongly reject any sexual topics or discussion.
A sex repulsed asexual identity can occur due to biology or environment. Someone may be born inherently repulsed by sex and go through life never wanting it or seeking it out. Additionally, past trauma and psychological factors can also play a role in a sex repulsed identity. Regardless, sex repulsed ace people will likely lead a celibate life, Though they may mastubate, it is likely they do not enjoy it or do not do so often.
When an ace person is sex indifferent, they will likely not seek out sex, but may be willing to partake in sexual activities and conversations. Some people who identify at this part of the spectrum prefer the term “sex-neutral” since they do not have any positive or negative feelings regarding sex.
If in a relationship, a sex neutral person may have sex with their partner. They may also masturbate. Though, they are still unlikely to seek out sexual activity of their own accord and probably do not find sex a necessity in their life or relationships.
Circumstantial asexuality is similar to and often comes along with demisexuality (which we will discuss later). This is where an asexual person may be okay with sex under certain conditions or circumstances such as in a relationship. Generally, they are not opposed to sex overall and many will masturbate and use sex toys on their own or with a partner.
Outside of the personally defined circumstances, a circumstantial ace person is unlikely to seek out or want sex. Like other people on the asexual spectrum, they likely will be okay with not having sex when their circumstances are not met.
At the opposite end of the spectrum from sex repulsion are sex positive asexual people. While they are still ace, they are okay with sex and may even enjoy it. While casual sex is still unlikely to happen, they are much more open and willing to partake in any form of sexual activity.
Sex positive asexual people are more likely to commonly masturbate and find pleasure in sex toys with themselves or their partner. There is no one way to classify a person as asexual, but the sex positive asexual people may not even realize they are asexual due to their willingness to partake in sex. They may believe they just do not enjoy casual sex.
Related Ace Identities
Asexuality does encompass a few other identities similar to asexuality, but which a slightly different or do not fall firmly within the spectrum. Often, a person can identify as one of the identities below and on the spectrum.
Demisexuality refers to a person who must have a deep emotional bond before feeling sexual attraction. They do feel sexual attraction and do enjoy sex much of the time, but it is highly circumstantial and reliant upon the relationship they have with someone. It is common for them to never feel sexual attraction until a romantic or emotional relationship is created.
A demisexual person can also fall somewhere on the ace spectrum. As mentioned earlier, it is common for demi people to fall into the circumstantial category, but you can have more sex positive or sex repulsed demisexual people.
Graysexual is usually placed under the ace umbrella, but is much more encompassing. Anyone–regardless of if they feel sexual attraction or not–can be graysexual. A graysexual person may also feel circumstantial attraction, but be more open to casual sex, or seek it out more than an asexual person would. It can even sometimes refer to someone who experiences sexual attraction, but has a low libido, or doesn’t want sex for whatever reason.
Essentially, graysexual is a more fluid term than can fit many people with many different experiences. It does not always describe someone who is asexual, but certainly can.
Many ace people find intimacy through exploring emotional connection
Supporting An Ace Partner
Asexual people do form long term relationships, marriages, and have children. However, some people who are not ace can find it difficult to have their own needs met. The best way to support your ace partner is to be respectful and understanding. They may feel afraid of disappointing you, or not you with enough satisfaction.
A relationship between an ace person and a non-ace person can work. It takes dedication and commitment from both parties. If you are not ace, but you partner is, here are a few tips for supporting them while also getting your needs met.
#1: Make Want-Will-Won’t Lists
If your ace partner is open to sex, make lists of what you each want from sex. From there, continue on to make lists of what you will do, but don’t necessarily need or enjoy, and things that are off limits. This helps promote communication and better sex since you will both be innately aware of what the other wants.
#2: Explore Your Emotional Connection
For an ace person, the emotional bond shared between people in a relationship is often the most fulfilling and passionate one. Learning how to deepen and maintain this emotional connection can be just as satisfying as a romp in the sheets.
#3: Explore Yourself
Part of being a good partner to an ace person is not to take their lack of sexual attraction personally. It has nothing to do with you. Therefore, learning new ways to get yourself off and learn about your body is a great way to get sexual satisfaction without your partner directly involved. Erossica can help because we have designed discreet sex toys that are easy to keep concealed, quiet, and should not disturb your partner in another room.
If they are comfortable, your partner can use vibrators or sex toys on you as well. However, you should ensure that they are comfortable with this and open to the idea. With that said, some ace people do also enjoy sex toys.
If asexual people use sex toys, they typically tend towards non-anatomical, ungendered products
Ace Sex Toys
According to a Mashable article, an asexual blogger took to the internet to determine what asexual people liked and disliked in sex toys. Here were the results:
- Dislike of anatomical designs, particularly veiny dildoes or anything that too obviously resembled genitalia
- Sexualized, heteronormative marketing was a no-go
- Colorful, artistic, and fantastical designs are major turn ons
- Simplicity is a must
Erossica & The Ace Community
Erossica’s toys use a toothbrush attachment to help bring intense pleasure without a bulky, gross looking sex toy. The Ceola is small, discreet, and attaches to the head of an electric toothbrush. It is not anatomically designed and is simply to use. It can be used internally and externally and can double as a massager.
At Erossica, we support the Ace community and know that some people use our products for more than orgasms. Whatever you get out of Erossica–and whether the products are for you or not–we hope you are able to find the pleasure you deserve.